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Submitted on
February 22, 2012
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A smile is but a simple mask in which we can use to tell people that everything is going to be okay. All I have to do is keep on smiling. I cannot show my weakness, no not now. I have put in way too much effort for me to blow off any of these chances now. But how long can I hold this mask on for. I will have to break eventually, nothing ever lasts. I dread what happens when my mask fails.


From the outside my life looks mostly good. There are some obvious improvements but I am still going well. This is great and all, but to me it is not enough. I don't know if it ever will be enough. I might be doing these things that I have only dreamed of, but still I don't have it all, but I want it, I want it all.


I want a job, is that too much to ask for in this world. You would think that it is a reasonable thing to ask. Then why must this be thing that I am constantly denied. I am nothing without a job. I am even reminded this all the time by those I live with. They say "you can live all the dreams you want to, but if you don't have a job you won't be able to support yourself". I know all to well. I feel like I can't now, or maybe I need to learn some self control on my spending. Maybe it is both. I could just be totally delusional, but then again, if I was I would not know it, so I guess that is for others to decide.


So here I am a man full of dreams, but without a way to get to them. I want to get there but I am held back, there are just always more and more obstacles. So what if I do get a job? I would spend so much time doing that job that my dreams would die off to the side and I will never get to where  I want. It just seems like I am not meant to win in this life. Why can I not have any luck come my way.


Having a job is not the only problem I have. I am torn between a few people who I love. My life is just so difficult because of this. This spilt between these people is really taking its toll on me. I have no idea if I have made the right chouce or not. I also have no idea how I am supposed to stop being atached to the others.

Tomorrow I will take the train to a better place. I will depart with a smile, I must not show my weakness.
Please excuse the very bad writing.
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:iconrosie311:
Rosie311 Featured By Owner May 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You look like..... Peeta.
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:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner May 19, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you very much.
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:icongaijuba:
gaijuba Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
wow I love your eye color!!!
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:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you very much. I get that a lot. It means a lot to me
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:icongaijuba:
gaijuba Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
welcome
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:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Student Writer
:hug:
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:iconwaltb2b:
waltb2b Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012
This is not a problem for you - it is the classroom of life. You know when you pass when you wake up the next day determined to keep trying and change what didn't work yesterday. Life gets easier the more of these "problems" we have learned to overcome. The second 50 years is often better than the first!. Good Luck - keep making your own.

Walt
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:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012  Student Writer
I am just trying to overcome them all at once and I guess that is my downfall
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:iconwaltb2b:
waltb2b Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012
NORMAL- perfectly NORMAL--- your social system needs to adjust to priorities and positioning - Where and when else will you have the occasion to learn it?
It's hard, but many of the problems will resolve themselves overnight or so. Pace yourself to what you can do in one day and let he cosmos worry about tomorrow.You can be your own worst enemy - NOW STOP THAT !! (grin)!
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:iconorganblower:
organblower Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
As a piece of writing, I think it is quite effective. I don't like the subject matter but that's only because I don't like others to be sad.
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