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Submitted on
February 22, 2012
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A smile is but a simple mask in which we can use to tell people that everything is going to be okay. All I have to do is keep on smiling. I cannot show my weakness, no not now. I have put in way too much effort for me to blow off any of these chances now. But how long can I hold this mask on for. I will have to break eventually, nothing ever lasts. I dread what happens when my mask fails.


From the outside my life looks mostly good. There are some obvious improvements but I am still going well. This is great and all, but to me it is not enough. I don't know if it ever will be enough. I might be doing these things that I have only dreamed of, but still I don't have it all, but I want it, I want it all.


I want a job, is that too much to ask for in this world. You would think that it is a reasonable thing to ask. Then why must this be thing that I am constantly denied. I am nothing without a job. I am even reminded this all the time by those I live with. They say "you can live all the dreams you want to, but if you don't have a job you won't be able to support yourself". I know all to well. I feel like I can't now, or maybe I need to learn some self control on my spending. Maybe it is both. I could just be totally delusional, but then again, if I was I would not know it, so I guess that is for others to decide.


So here I am a man full of dreams, but without a way to get to them. I want to get there but I am held back, there are just always more and more obstacles. So what if I do get a job? I would spend so much time doing that job that my dreams would die off to the side and I will never get to where  I want. It just seems like I am not meant to win in this life. Why can I not have any luck come my way.


Having a job is not the only problem I have. I am torn between a few people who I love. My life is just so difficult because of this. This spilt between these people is really taking its toll on me. I have no idea if I have made the right chouce or not. I also have no idea how I am supposed to stop being atached to the others.

Tomorrow I will take the train to a better place. I will depart with a smile, I must not show my weakness.
Please excuse the very bad writing.
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:iconrosie311:
Rosie311 Featured By Owner May 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You look like..... Peeta.
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:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner May 19, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you very much.
Reply
:icongaijuba:
gaijuba Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
wow I love your eye color!!!
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:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you very much. I get that a lot. It means a lot to me
Reply
:icongaijuba:
gaijuba Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
welcome
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:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2012  Student Writer
:hug:
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:iconwaltb2b:
waltb2b Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012
This is not a problem for you - it is the classroom of life. You know when you pass when you wake up the next day determined to keep trying and change what didn't work yesterday. Life gets easier the more of these "problems" we have learned to overcome. The second 50 years is often better than the first!. Good Luck - keep making your own.

Walt
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:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012  Student Writer
I am just trying to overcome them all at once and I guess that is my downfall
Reply
:iconwaltb2b:
waltb2b Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012
NORMAL- perfectly NORMAL--- your social system needs to adjust to priorities and positioning - Where and when else will you have the occasion to learn it?
It's hard, but many of the problems will resolve themselves overnight or so. Pace yourself to what you can do in one day and let he cosmos worry about tomorrow.You can be your own worst enemy - NOW STOP THAT !! (grin)!
Reply
:iconorganblower:
organblower Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
As a piece of writing, I think it is quite effective. I don't like the subject matter but that's only because I don't like others to be sad.
Reply
:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Student Writer
You think it is effective. I think I could have made it better, but I am glad you think that it is effective.
I write like this to release my energy and try to neutralise. This cycle is taking a bit longer though.
Reply
:iconorganblower:
organblower Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I hear you. My story, somewhat fictitiously referred to as fiction is over 150,000 words, 40 chapters, and it's not over yet. At one point it was the best antidepressant I've ever had. I can escape from the world in that story and become the protagonist.
Keep writing. Also realise that, while you can always make something better, there comes a time when you have to say the story is done and upload it. You can always edit it if you hate it.
:hug:
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:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Student Writer
wow that is impressive. I get too bored of a story and I just leave it abandoned.
It is the best antidepressant I think.
Reply
:iconstrongbear:
StrongBear Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012
My friend, things will get better. The harder the obsticals the sweeter the prize.
Reply
:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012  Student Writer
That is true when I see it through your eyes
Reply
:iconstrongbear:
StrongBear Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012
I really hope everything is good for you.
Reply
:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2012  Student Writer
I hope it will come to that yeah
Reply
:iconstrongbear:
StrongBear Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2012
Me too. I think your a good person. Just hold on and see what happens.
Reply
:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012  Student Writer
I shall hold on
Reply
:iconstrongbear:
StrongBear Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012
Im glad.
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:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012  Student Writer
yeah
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(1 Reply)
:iconhddnbhndamsk:
hddnbhndamsk Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012
:hug:
Reply
:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Student Writer
Thanks.... :hug:
Reply
:icondeemonemiji:
DeemonEmiji Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Woof! Love the pic! And lovely writing! Love it all <333

Shall you go anywhere? o-o :iconbigheartplz:
Reply
:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Student Writer
The train is supposed to kill me and make me depart from this world.
Reply
:icondeemonemiji:
DeemonEmiji Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Noo!!!!! :'c dont! D':
Reply
:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Student Writer
I can't die just yet. I still to to pay off my debt first
Reply
:icondeemonemiji:
DeemonEmiji Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Me dont wanna you die....I dont wanna loose a friend that way...My wings will fall and life break apart... :sadangel:
Reply
:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Student Writer
Don't worry, it won't happen any time soon
Reply
:icondeemonemiji:
DeemonEmiji Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Promise? <3 :heart:
Reply
:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Student Writer
I promise. I mean it will take me ages to pay of my $1,700 debt
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(1 Reply)
:iconthemaskedmodel:
TheMaskedModel Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012
We all have our ups and downs, man, but you can't let that get to you. It's like what they say about falling off a horse; if you fall off dust yourself off and get back on. You often have to fight tooth and nail to get what you want or need in this crazy, fucked-up world.

A smile doesn't have to be a mask. I knew a guy once who used his smile like a wall of fire. Anytime things tried to get in his way or get him down; he'd smile, make a joke out of it, and keep on going. He's one of the reasons I don't let things get me down now.
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:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012  Student Writer
I am out of the low now
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:iconthemaskedmodel:
TheMaskedModel Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012
Wonderful to hear it, man. :)
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:iconsexy-grim:
Sexy-Grim Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012  Student Writer
Thanks.
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:iconthemaskedmodel:
TheMaskedModel Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2012
No problem. :hug:
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